Wednesday, September 26, 2012


I'll give away the punchline now. This is about poop. If you don't want to read any further, please stop now. Seriously, poop. Poop. And not the science of poop, or, "hey, here's this neat thing about poop", but, an "I am a parent, and here is one of the bizarre things that happened to me, and it involved poop. You might not want to hear about it, but this is a blog, so you don't have to continue reading, and I'm going to write it because parents need to commiserate, so here it is: poop" kind of story.

You have been warned.

Things were great today. I am down to two documents to finish for the K99 - Yay! I left work in time to pick up Little Brown Dog. The Bear was in a great mood after daycare, and got into her stroller without any hassle. We made it to the park with record ease. The Bear decided she wanted to hold my hand and run around the outside of the fence, so we did a few rounds of that, then headed inside the park.

And then I smelled it. What is that smell?

Claire calmly walks up to me. "Poo. poo", she said. Sometimes she says that when she's gassy, so I peeked in her diaper. There was no poop. Win!

As I put her back down, I realized the terrible truth. Somehow the poop has escaped her diaper, and is now squished between her diaper and her pants. And it's everywhere. Oh. No. 

I don't understand how this is physically possible. Really, I'm so shocked and confused that I just pick her up and hold her for a minute, look into the clean diaper again, and try to figure out how this happened. Until I realize I'm holding a poop-bomb and if I'm not delicate, it is going to escape out the top of her pants, and I will be scarred forever. You expect poop-splosions when they're little, but now, this is adult-poop. Adult, ninja poop. Adult, ninja poop that has escaped the diaper and is separated from me by a measly few millimeters of cloth. The time for action is now. I can consider the physics of the diaper-defying poop later.

So, I packed her up and we all headed home. She was surprisingly calm about it, and generally pleasant the whole walk home. Even cleaning her up went well. Then, we enjoyed the evening at home. She helped me make tuna salad (which consisted of eating the diced eggs, and tuna while pretending to stir), we gave Little Brown Dog a much-needed bath (unrelated to the poop, but related to the milk that Bear dripped on his forehead this morning) and then just played until Husband came home ~8. The Bear fell asleep a bit late (~9:15ish), but without any fight. So, all in all, a good ending.

Now, another few hours to finish the last two documents!

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